Fresh starts, and all that jazz

I just realised it’s been a whole 5 months since I last wrote anything here. Between work going crazy and a lot of family stuff to deal with, not only have I not had time to write, but I’ve also completely lost my way.

Between peri-menopause, not looking after myself, and also not caring enough to do so, I’ve gained a shit tonne of weight and I feel awful. We’re up in Auckland for Labour Weekend and while out shopping today, I caught a side-on glimpse of myself. I wasn’t expecting to like what I saw, but I stopped what I was doing and just wanted to cry. I looked like a gobstopper on legs. So round. My weight hasn’t changed in months, but all of a sudden I have more chins and my guts and boobs are so much bigger, even if elsewhere is a little smaller.

I don’t know that I’ve ever hated what I look like as much as I do right now. I’d already decided that when we get home, it’s time to get back into exercise, I didn’t miss it for ages, but now I really do. I miss feeling strong. There’s a perfectly good gym at our house just begging to be used and yes, I’m far busier than I should be, but I also should be making time for exercise, because I know all too well how much better I feel in myself when I exercise. I’m a much nicer mum/wife too.

Work won’t slow down any time soon, and it’s left me completely overwhelmed, but I took the grown-up step and hired someone that I am spending time training over the next few weeks. Once that is done and she is up to speed, I can start to focus on the tasks I enjoy, and I can start to grow. (and work less hours eventually) It’s great that my business has grown so much and I love every part of it but I do need to find a way to get that balance back.

In the meantime, I need to get back to exercising again, because as much as I don’t feel like it, I know it will help my mindset and help me get some structure and focus back into my life.

Here’s to getting my head back in the right place.