I Didn’t Look Up At The Moon Tonight

I have so many blogs I need to write when I get the chance, but this one got me in the feels and I felt like writing about it might help a bit.

So, the hubbs has been away for 2 weeks. I have plenty of friends who’s partners go away for work (or pleasure) for longer all the time, and they get through, I know that. But in over 23 years together, we’ve never been apart for more than a week.

He comes home in just over 24 hours and to see we’ve missed him would be a massive understatement, but we’ve gotten by, school holidays and all.

There were tears when he left, tears a couple of nights in when our daughter found a secret note he’d hidden under her pillow before he left, but the biggest tears from me?

2 nights ago.

I’m a bit of a night owl, and am finding as per usual that in the school holidays, it’s much easier to do my best work late at night, then sleep in in the morning, so that’s what I’ve been doing. I’m also fucking lonely at night time, so figured to do some work with some trashy tv in the background (Gossip Girl is my current guilty shame) and get shit done while the kids are xboxing and sleeping.

I went out to feed the cat as I went to bed at 2am. I looked up and the moon was bright and full and looking all pretty. I stood there for a moment looking up at it, and thought “it’s 6am where he is, I wonder if he can see the moon too".

Totally. Lost. It.

Completely lost my shit, sooooo many tears. I felt like I’d never stop crying.

I think as parents we hold our shit together the best we can for our kids, but when we’re super tired and emotional, they’re in bed and it’s all quiet - shit losing time.

I was pretty well besides myself. The only time while he’s been gone that I was like it. And now, I’m good again. I know he’s on a plane in just under 20 hours and we will all be together again.

So tonight? Just to save my sanity, I didn’t look up at the moon.